apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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