A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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