My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
