We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
