There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
