I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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