i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
