Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
