i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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