So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Found the puke drawer
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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