I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
