So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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