he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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