What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
