so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
