my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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