i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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