I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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