Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
