mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
