No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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