I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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