3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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