I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
