OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
