what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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