She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
