Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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