i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
