As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
