There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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