I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
