ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
