Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
