Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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