may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Randomize
