True but thats because hes a fetus.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
