I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
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