he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
