if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
