Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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