So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
