making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
