her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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