I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
