unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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