i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
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How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
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I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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