Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
