just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
