My balls are so social today.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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