I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
