I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
