I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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