i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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