Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
