they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
