Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
