Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
