Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Dicks are not precious.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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