i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
