can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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