i don't like sucking hair
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
