I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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