You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
