But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
