Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
