Just fell off a train. Bad.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
