im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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