So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
