He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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