in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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